Maybe it's a good thing I don't live in the city.
If I had moved to Tokyo, I would have killed myself by now.
Crushed by a sense of inferiority and my smallness.
Now I am slowly coming to terms with my smallness here in the big countryside.
I am living my life while acknowledging my smallness.
I am living with my smallness.
I am grateful that I have difficult work that I need to do in front of me.
I don't have time to think about extra things. Extra things, that is, about other people.
But work is not always busy. So when I have free time, I feel a bit depressed. I think about unnecessary things.
At such times, I cook, draw or make something. I fill my free time with something. That is quite difficult.
If I go up to Tokyo and do a job that I think anyone could do.
Working on something you don't know if it's for a dream or to make up for a feeling of inferiority.
Comparing myself with people who are better at what I do, and further aggravating my already strong sense of inferiority.
I think I would have died a small death in that way.
DeepL translation
